Good job on this one.. you set the mood of the story by showing feelings she has and things she observes.. the beginning does a good job of portraying that anxious state of mind.. to me its basically a woman waiting to die, but still scared of it actually happening,.. this is a feeling easily relatable..

Her eyes dart around suspicious of every rustling leave,
and(each?) cracking twig.

sounds weird to me, although it isnt wrong in anyway.. maybe change 'and' to 'each',.. furthermore, u could expand and say,.. "her eyes dart around, suspicious of each rustling leaf, every single crack of a twig in the distance/(darkness?)"

just some suggestions to ponder..

She blinks her eyes,
her eyelids heavy,

even th0 this sounds good and is still in league with the prevailing mood, i think it can be expressed.. more poetically i guess.. it just doesnt seem to flow off thew tip of my tongue..

The dense atmosphere of the night reaches,
grasps
and
strangles her,

favorite part of the poem..

all in all it was a pretty sound poem.. i think u could elaborate more in parts, such as why she wants to die,.. or also more specifically HOW she dies.. but the vagueness of her death is quite appealing, so it might not be beneficial to change that.. anyway good poem, lot of feel and depth.. keep em comin =O)

Good job.. so far so gud... keep it up.
check oput some of ma poems if u have some free time.
:)

Wow,.. lol ive never actually seen my comments really applied.. i think this revision is a lot better.. the other one was good too.,. but this was an improvement..

As her body is left
Swaying in the breeze,
To the beatless rhythm of her demise.

loved that ending, it really tied up with the whole 'nature' element in the poem.. good job!

I really liked how the story developed. At first I expected the girl to be waiting for a lover ot companion, but then that she was waiting to die came as an afterthought. One problem i have was in lines 17-20, I didn't quite understand why you broke the sentence into the 4 lines. It did give more of a stutter to my reading, which if intended was very effective; if it was not the intent, I'd suggest reworking that part. Good work.