The past I'll always keep

It all started simply,
A sudden dumb decision,
I ended so ungracefully,
In a difficult position.

They were all against me,
Everything was a mistake,
Calling me something I'd never be,
The one word I cannot take.

Tried to stay true,
Struggled to hold on,
But just seeing you,
stopped me from being strong.

And I committed shame,
Knife almost too far
Nothing will be the same,
I'm living with the scar.

And all for my past,
It all was gone,
I swore it'd never last,
But the skin is torn.

The guilt is upon me,
I can't handle this,
True hate controls mortality,
Is this all there is?

The reminders strong,
Scars and words that lie,
Everything is so wrong,
I break down and cry.

I cannot escape history,
I've dug myself too deep,
The pain I created in idiocy,
Is the past I'll always keep.