Wow. That is a great job. I loved it. And you didn't have to follow the normal styles or type of poetry. You went out and perfected your own. Amazing.

I quite like this, there are some grammer mistakes which hold it back, but otherwise, i like the fact that you used repetition without sounding over-the-top of boring, and also that the whole piece deals with a common theme but does not sound cliched. Sorry I needed more full stops there LOL.

Awesome!