I Just Dont Understand

I donâ??t know how to write this down,
I donâ??t know what to say.
I donâ??t know if I can make this rhyme,
There will be words stuck in the way.
All I know for sure is that,
I am so confused.
I donâ??t know why Iâ??m so afraid,
Why I feel like Iâ??m to lose,
I never want this year to end,
Coz he will walk away,
But I donâ??t know why it is so much,
I need for him to stay.
As each day moves the end gets nearer,
The pain grows in my chest,
For soon I have to say goodbye,
To a friend of the very best.
I donâ??t know why though it is so hard,
Why am I so afraid?
I know that I will miss him lots,
Itâ??s a promise Iâ??ve already made.
I still cant understand for now,
The pain I feel inside,
Iâ??ve said goodbye many times before,
To friends of long and tried.
Somehow this seems so different though,
Although Iâ??m sure its not,
I know just what I feel for him,
And friendships all Iâ??ve got.
Thereâ??s nothing sexual I feel for him,
Believe it if you canâ?¦
I think itâ??s just that I have seen,
This boy turn into a man.
That probably sounds to you pathetic,
I know it does to me,
But I canâ??t help the truth I hold,
So thatâ??s how itâ??s gunna be.
My confusions slowly fading,
I think Iâ??m beginning to understand,
I know why I will never let go,
This friendship will withstand.
Itâ??s because heâ??s always there for me,
Has been for so long.
He is to me a brother now,
He helps me to be strong.
To watch your brother walk away,
Is different from a friend,
It tears apart a â??familyâ??,
It feels like itâ??s the end.
So thatâ??s the reason why I think,
Iâ??m scared for him to leave.
What if things are never the same,
And he never comes back to see?
But I must learn to let things go,
A good friend once said to me:
If you love someone whoâ??s near to you,
You have to set them free,
If they choose to come right back you,
Then they are yours to keep,
But sadly if they donâ??t come back,
It is not them you seek.
So now that Iâ??m no longer confused,
I will learn to let things go,
I trust if he is worth all this,
My tears I will let showâ?¦
For when he leaves there will be many,
And I will not hold them back.
Ill let them poor right down my face,
But I will be smiling soon again.
â??coz I know now if itâ??s worth this to me,
I wont never let it go.
I will trust him too, I know I can,
One day he will come home.

I know I write about this a lot, but it helps me understand my own feelings, which get extremely mixed up sometimes. If by any tiny chance that Agro or Mitty read this, I love you guys too, and I always will. You are my â??familyâ?? too. Ok thanks everyone for reading, could you maybe make a comment just so that I know what you thought of my poem? Thanks again. Love lots, Emlesâ?¦xoxox