Okay so I'll have to say that I really enjoyed this poem up till maybe the 2nd or 3rd to last line. You had a steady, short, rhythmic chant going on, but you break it up nearby the end. You might have been shooting for a finale situation, but I don't think you got it quite right this time. You could try to maintain your rhythm to the end. It wouldn't take much to change the ending a bit, all you'd have to do is rearrange some of the syllables and change a few ways you say things and you'll have a consistent rhythm throughout. Anywho that is my suggestion.

Well what u tried was good it made an excellent poem i really liked it good job 5/5

Nice, it's good to want to do something new once a while like that. =)

It sounds like it's a part of a very lovely song.

My favourite lines are:

"I love you
With all I am,
And trust me
Ill do all I can."

Though I think it's foolish act, but it's still nice.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!

Awwl well i reallie liked this peom especailly the begining i just think you kinda lost the nice flow in the end but nice job! loved it 5/5

I liked this one is simple and nice
5/5

Great work. Really liked the flow and emotion put into it.

Very well done. I like the way you put this together. Have you tried reading from bottom to top? Sounds pretty awesome also. Excellent job!