Really nice work!!! Continue to write and improve your over all skill - rhythm, rhyme, flow, and word usage. Take the time to study the craft and read and study the works of the great poets that came before you. I suggest buy a book on writing poetry, such as, "Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing Poetry by Nikki Moustaki ", a book of collected works of poetry featuring some of the established poets, and perhaps, a book on English and Grammar, Writing, Composition, and Style, to sure up those writing and grammar mistakes we all make and to improve yourself as a writer overall, but all in all really nice work, continue on!!!