Well first off,.. i like the second line a great deal.. maybe its just me, but ive never really heard it descrived as that, and it fits well.. after the fourth line, the flow of the poem seems to break off and get a little erratic.. never adhering to one single flow, but little flows isolated within the poem, it seems.. influenze, though its effects are similar to those expressed in this poem, doesnt seem rightly placed within this poem.. for one, you attribute the feelings/sickness to depression, yet speak of influenza, which contradicts that.. plus,.. it really just seems outta place in a poem like this: the word 'influenza'..

to hurt my forever and for always one.

maybe explain a little more, or elaborate,.. i find no real meaning in this line that i can think of,..

also, the medicine kicking in seems to allude to more of a illness , rather than depression. true, anti depressants would fit this medicine, in a way,.. but they have to build up; the effects rnt noticed after taking the pill for an extended period of time. at the end, your depression is lifted it seems, but by what force? as u wrote, it would seem from meds, but that doesnt quite fit in, as ive said before.. also, u could extend medicine into a metaphor, such as a friend being your medicine, etc.. hopefully i didnt get too technical, but thats my thoughts.. not too shabby on the whole th0, a few kinks u could work out and would thus strengthen the poem..

Pretty good descriptions. You rhymes sounded somewhat forced.

Hey i like this poem.. it flows really well.. i like the changes in weather like storms and stuff like that.. and the different things you used to show your feelings. there is a word for that kind of stuff but i cant seem to think of it right now.. very well written.. keep up the great writting and stay strong!! bye bye EJ

Hmm okay cool idea very much so

i didnt exactly understand the ending, why was all the weight lifted??

some of it seemed a little forced but oh well some syllable balance was off but not by much flow sometimes rouch but hey once again not by much

5/5

Excelent poem! Understood it completely! Most people do get sick when they are depressed. 5/5