Nighttime Seagull

Ocean breeze keeps me awake at night,
salty air calms insomnia,
nighttime seagull calls my name
screeching it into the false dawn.

I am drawn by the pull
of a memory of hard sand crunching under my feet,
the finding of a lone seashell,
the discovery of a beached seahorse
the feeling of undying freedom,
of water so vast and ghastly
it could pull you under in a single wave,
and smash your suddenly frail body against the rocks,
just when you were thinking that you were strong,
just when the thought entered your head that you could resist...

I cannot now,
and find myself getting out of my bed
and silently climbing out of my window,
and down the cobbled path that leads to the beach.

to a place were waves crash against a precipice,
inviting, begging, becoming, pleading with me,
that all it takes is another step
Oh, such a brief fall,
the feel of icy water,
and then indifference. bliss. ending.

But the nighttime seagull screams at me
in a clear, beautiful voice,
that I still have a choice,
and a chance,
that I can take a step back,
and build my life again,
brick by lonely brick, with sand to hold it together.
Sand and water, like the substance underneath my suddenly cold feet.
and I turn around,
hang my head,
and admit defeat.
There is no death for me, not today,
I will suffer on,
like a ship in a storm that can never reach the bay.

But as I give that strange seagull
one last, searching look,
I see all I want to see...

In the dawning of a new day,
Enough hope to last me through the storm.