Alone

I think being alone is best for me.
Because then maybe I won't hurt anymore, you see.
I'm putting up a fight,
And I refuse to go down tonight.
I need to be alone...so go.
Me desperately wanting to be alone, isn't a show.
I've been hurt and humiliated enough.
I have to stay strong, and try to be tough.
So let me be alone.
I shall have my feelings remain unknown.
I live my life on the edge.
I promised myself to be alone, it was my pledge.
It's an automatic reation to put up my guard.
I guess its because I've been scarred.
I feel like screaming.
I need to quit pleading.
You say you can't leave me alone because your feelings for me are too strong.
I used to love you to.
But it hurt so bad the first time your rejection came through.
So just leave me.
You've caused my heart enough pain already.
I've already been through that once.
And I already told you about that.
It left a hole in my heart, an empty space, a gap.
If you really want to stay here,
You can't be by me, you have to be somewhere over there.
Over there by the window or that wall.
So maybe if I decided to jump, you could block my way, or catch my fall.
But my guard is up...and it's not coming down.
So I'll just sit here and look at the ground.
The ground that is so high up.
So high up you say that it's too scary to sit there.
But here I am, and there you are...
Ready to save me.
I try to move past you, but you are too quick for me.
...you saved me from falling...
...you delayed my death.
So for that I owe you.
...I love you...

©Copyright Deanna Hill ® 2005