A cutters diary

Let me start by saying
that i am not a freak
i am a regular woman
with qualities many men seek

but only because they don't know me
they don't know what's inside
they only see a pretty face
they don't see the scars i hide

some many scars that i've lost count
it's the only way i can feel
it is what makes me human
the only thing that makes it real

i have scars on top of scars
i'm running out of space
a body that once was beautiful
a marred and ugly disgrace

how can i defeat this?
the monster that lives within
i feed it all my pain
it takes it out on my skin

i wish that i could drop my blade
forget about it for good
somehow it seems impossible
even though i know i should

i worry one day i'll go to far
that i might just cut too deep
and the scars will no longer matter
for i'll unwillingly take that leap

the leap into damnation
the sin He won't forgive
into a place i don't want to be
the reason i still live

one day i know i'll overcome
i want to do what's right
i'll let Him guide me through this
and aid me in my fight