No More Pretending

I'm not okay I can't pretend,
That I'm still my own best friend,
I'm not smiling and I cannot lie,
That I'm still cutting and that I still cry.

I can't pretend that I love to live,
And that all my mistakes I can forgive,
I can't pretend I'm not broken in two,
I can't pretend that I'm not hurt by you.

All the tears I can no longer hide,
All my thoughts of suicide.
You may call me a messed up teen,
But really you can't judge me by what you've seen.

All the scar's I have to cover,
All my wishes of being someone other.
All the tears I have to swallow,
Pretending that I'm not so hollow.

I'm sorry to everyone I've pushed away,
I'm sorry for the mean thing's that I say.
I'm sorry for letting this all show,
And I'm certain your going to let go.

You don't want me don't say that you do,
All the time's that I've needed you,
You weren't there and for that I hurt,
And for all the time's I've felt like dirt.

I can't pretend that I don't feel alone,
I can't pretend I feel safe at home.
I can't pretend that I feel free.
I can no longer pretend that I don't hate me.