Short but reasonably effective. Be conscious of rhyming in a free verse such as this simply because it can stuff up the flow. Also be weary of your meter, it can be changed but be careful of them all being out of whack. Your ideas were good and some god progress is made in the poem. Keep working on it and keep writing, poetry is a wonderful talent to master. Good Work.
Peace.

Woow, girl, u have got some real nice poetry, keep going that way, i think u write very good.

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