I am now a disgrace...

Trapped in this body,
This place so foreign to me,
I long to get out,
Let me go, set me free.

My innocence of long ago,
Gone without a trace,
Corrupted and evil,
I am now a disgrace.

I sit at my window,
Trace the lightning in the sky,
Feeling the pain,
It's my time to die.

No longer can I hide
Behind my childish facade,
I turn and walk through the darkened house,
All noises begin to fade.

Up to the highest floor,
To that glass so thin,
Think of the consequences,
I won't lose, but I won't win.

See the ground below,
Rain splatters on the floor,
Turn around
And lock the door.

No-one will find me here
In this derelict old place,
And no more pain and anguish
Will I have to face.

Move these boxes out the way,
Make that path clear and sharp,
Hope these shards of glass
Won't break my heart.

My heart already broken
Up in two,
So breaking the rest of me
Is the best thing to do.

Jump through that window,
Adrenaline and fear
Pump through my veins,
Who will find me here?

How did get here,
Become this thing that I am?
I'll make it all better,
I know that I can.

No longer will I be the monster,
No longer will they see
This creature of hate and depression
That has now become me.

All they will see
Is the poor young girl
Who took her life
And left this world.

Falling through the air,
So timeless and slow,
Look to the world
I descend to below.

Things speed up and happen so quickly,
Up comes the ground,
My body falls crushed,
Leaving me with only sounds.

I can't see a thing,
The blood fills my eyes,
It didn't work!
I didn't die!

I should feel relief,
But that isn't what I get.
Even in my final breaths,
My needs aren't met.

The days grow dark
And night draws near,
And again I feel that creeping sensation
Of fear.

No-one comes up here,
No-one will find me for weeks,
I hear my own screams
And then my own shrieks.

I shriek in panic
And I shriek in fear,
And though I can't help it,
I detest what I hear.

On the ground,
So sad and lonely,
Dear God,
Please take pity on me.

I know I'll grow weak,
And here I'll lie,
As I helplessly wait,
To finally die...

© copyright of Holly Nia Goodson