Within

Im scared of pain,
My fear is driving me insane.
I know Ill have to face it soon,
And I know Ill be alone.

Im not sure if Ill scream,
Or if Ill cry,
Or if Ill scream with tears falling down my face.
Im trying to be calm,
And not to show a trace
of the wild fear and hysteria
thats building up within.

But lately I thought of something,
that as soon as it starts,
Ill take out a little blade,
and clean it with a sponge.
Ill make sure its disinfected
before I direct it
at my feet.

Ill only make a small cut,
Its sure not to bleed,
Not much, anyway,
The blood will go away.
Ill cover it with a band-aid,
For fear of infection,
and also of detection.

Maybe then when my trial comes,
When the madness begins,
Ill prop up my shoes,
And look at my feet,
and say
Ive got a secret...
Ive got a dark, bloody secret within.

Then Ill look up and smile,
But it will be a chilling grin.
Have I caught your attention with my dark secret?
Have I caught your attention with these cuts,
Will I catch your attention with my tears...

Or will I hold it all within.
Can I manage?
No one will see my feet,
They cant see my soul,
Maybe this time I wont shout,
But Ill be three quarters less than whole,
Because I will have put it all within.