Well done! great improvements in your writing already!! not to many repeated words so it didn't ruin the flow the lines were about the same langth, great improvements! well done! i'm going to try and find time to email you someting tonight. just so you know

~Jacklyn

Tore...I think you mean tear....That was a lot better than your first one though. I loved how you ended it. You can still work on this one but I do like it. There's some cool lines in it.
~A&C