My Nightly Suicide Note.

Locked away in my room,
The door can't be open,
I'll sit down just one last time,
And write a suicide note,

Like many times before,
The writing is shaky and blurred,
I'll just say I'm sorry,
And wish you wouldn’t read it,

But I know for once,
This isn’t another one for the pile,
This will be my last one to write,
And you'll find them all,

I wonder if you'll be shocked,
Or just mad you never found out,
I wonder what they'll say,
Will it be a sad or angry word?

These emotions just clash,
They mean the same in the end,
I'll write these lines,
Then I'll end all the confusion,

Then we'll all wait and see,
But I still wonder what you'll think,
Will you be made at the mess?
Or sad because you never knew,

I don’t know the answers,
And I just don’t want to,
Because this is the end of the line,
And the pile is tilting over,

I'll live this with the rest,
And know you'll find them all,
My nightly suicide notes,
Then you'll find further,

You’ll see what I have accomplished,
Made something you thought impossible,
Made it all come to life,
We’ll just see then,

This, this is my note to you,
A desperate plea, or a heartfelt apology,
Doesn’t mean a difference,
It’s just the end for me.