ELDRITCH STEEL

There\'s an unfeeling inside me
feels like eldritch steel

so I\'m
slipping into dreams
of far ago
and long away

restless lethargy
living on my dreams
sometimes I\'m drained and empty
by emotions taken to extremes
sometimes feeling life
too intensely to exist
afraid I\'ll burn, burn, burn,
consumed by an inner fire
burn
leaving only gray ashes
that blows away on the wind

and
I want to walk barefoot
in the glistening morning dew
I want to run laughing
through a sun-drenched field in May

and
I want to see
the silk of spider magic
sparkling silver in the moonlight
and to feel the wind surge
over my face, through my hair,
with promises of the
impending storm

and
I long to feel
the passion of living
coursing through my veins
and to feel the warm glow
of her hand in mine
the electric spark of our eyes
merging in knowing silence

but like a jigsaw puzzle
where is my missing piece,
where is she
to make me complete?

watching, wanting, waiting
but patience wears thin at times

and
gold is turning
to gray
emotions internally injected
with novocaine
but I don\'t want to be
comfortably numb
and
I don\'t want to feel
like eldritch steel

each scar hardens inside
a build up of emotional tissue
numbed by constant exposure
it is hard to break through the layers
and it is difficult to
let down the mask
when busy adding bricks
to the wall

so how can love know me
when sometimes I\'m not sure if I know myself
and I can\'t help but wonder
why is this need?

and I wonder

as I seek the answer
from a shredded heart
that\'s been sown together
with fragile threads of
eldritch steel.

September 5, 1989