Change(the past)...

Maybe some day, things will change.
Until then they will remain the same.
I'll still be bothered by this pain.
And marked with my disdain.
I can't believe I made it this far.
But it wasn't easy, my life with you has been hard.
The pain hits me just like a bomb.
Everytime I remember saying "I love you mom."
But now I can feel the pain.
As it begins to rain.
Memories from my childhood.
The one's that you pretend were so good.
I didn't have a care in the world.
But you weren't stuck watching two beautiful little girls.
I love them more then you ever would.
I love them more then you ever could.
My friends have better lives than I ever did.
They talk about how much fun they had when they were kids.
But I have to fake my smile.
And every once in awhile.
I don't mention how it went.
I don't want to relive my life back then.
Most kids at four years old have the time of their lives.
But I don't remember much past my pain and all my cries.
I never knew who my real dad was.
Everytime I asked you it was just because.
You didn't want to talk about it.
So than that caused me to forget.
But since I've been without you.
There is so much that I can do.
Who still lives the life of a drunk.
After one case of beer, that isn't enough.
And you want me to fix the problems you have.
And if I don't then I am soo bad.
Maybe I'll grow to be what they say I'm destined to be.
And maybe that future isn't so hard to see.
How could you do that.
How could you make my life this bad.
And blame it all on me and the way I was then.
But then we could take a look at it again.
I was just a kid.
I still can't believe what you did.
Open another beer.
And push away everything that was near.
I can't believe you left me day after day with him.
You saw the bruises and cuts on and under my skin.
You just chose to look the other way.
I saw that and I don't know what to say.
I needed you the most then.
But you made me live that all over again.
The next day.
Still you walked away.
You heard me screaming from our apartment.
But still you turned your head.
And now it's me that's walking away.
I look back and find it strange.
Why couldn't the past change...