Loving you has destroyed me

I made a mistake and I'm not proud,
I let love dominate reality,
I fall so deeply for you, babe,
But you weren't there to catch me.

And on the ground, dropped and deserted,
I found myself in a fight
And the defense mechanism I chose,
Was pretending I was all right.

I pretended that you loved me,
And that gave me reason to survive,
Though I was hurting and feeling lonely,
I let your "love" keep me alive.

And I have let it go on for weeks
I've been delusional and it worked,
Never thinking about the depressing truth,
That in the corned lurked.

But then as you ignored me,
As I tried to make conversation,
I realized that you could even hate me,
I fell into the deepest frustration.

And for seconds there I hated you,
As I saw your truth shine through,
But now I am trying to ignore it,
I find myself still loving you.

And I wonder why in patheticness,
When nothing should persist,
Do I find myself still imagining,
The love that does not exist.

But then the rerealization shoots up and I can see,
That I couldn't move if I wanted,
Because loving you has destroyed me.

For Alex