Insidious betrayal

Time and time again
betrayal hardened me
the wall grew higher
slowly and painstakingly

without even myself knowing
it accumulated, got thicker
and when i finally realised
i helped it get bigger

holding on to my solitude
refusing to let go from fear of more pain
not letting a soul in
shutting the single window pane

occasionally i'd slip out
get what i need and retreat
none is to know how hungry i am
when i go out, how their warmth i eat

there are people who can fill the void
but all suspecting motived i reject
i don't know why but to me
they should cut that out-of-goodwill act

i myself know not
the reason i hold such a grudge to beckoning aid
maybe from past experiences
i'm just afriad