Needing answers

I have an option, die for me or live for you.
you want me around but i dont wanna live, you give me an option so i got to choose.
i dont know what to do, i hate me so much i need to go, but i love you so much i need to stay.
tell me what to do, please, see from my perspective, i got nothing but nothing, not a prayer or a hope.
i got my dreams, but dreams are just dreams, they cant change me.
my days are grey, like a movie without colour.
everything is pointless and everything is painful. things arent good at all, things are all bad.
if i raise my head i am beaten back to the ground. if i drop my head i fall down anyway. there is nothing i will miss, except you, but if you really loved me, you would understand, i need to go, i will reach a better place.