The Pain

Once again I cry.
I ask myself why.
I cry in the shower,
to hide my tears with the water.
But I still know they're there.
But I still don't know why.
All I know is this pain
The pain deep inside my heart
The pain that breaks me apart.
The pain that doesn't go away
The pain doesn't last just a day.
I don't even know where it hurts
In my mind or my heart?
What is causing this pain?
I wonder, I can only wonder.
I can only pray for it to go away
I can only pray for it not to stay.
The pain is hurting me
It's affecting my life, my thoughts, my actions...
It's affecting everything around me and I want it to stop.
But how can I stop something that I don't know?
Something I can feel, yet I can't see.
Something I acknowledge it hurts but I can't see what it is.
It's still there, somewhere, inside of me.
Eating me apart, mocking me, reminding me of my awful past.
How does it know? How can it know my weakness?
My misery? They key to my sadness?
The pain is to inmense to bear, I cannot stand it, I want to give into it.
I can't take this anymore
the same pain I felt before.
I can't see clear
I just want to disapear.
I want everything to go away but it can't
so that leaves me with one answer, one choice.
If the pain doesn't go away, then I must leave, if I leave, then it has nothing to feed upon.
I feel like the room is spinning
The pain inside me is winning.
I can't stop it
I can't control it
I cry for help
but no one hears, no one cares.
Im all alone with the pain. Must I fight it? or should I let it win?
What says that it hasn't already won?
The pain inside me is taking over
this time I think my life is over.