I like this poem, a lot. But heres a hint.....watch the sylabllabes in each line. If the first line has 3 sylablles, dont let lines 2, 3 and 4 have 9 in each of them, ya know? Then it flows a lot better. Watch the rhyme scheme, too. Other than that this is an awesome write. If you need any help, yo uknow where to find me!

Great peice, i do agree with Katie Bennett about the siliables and flow, but the content is great