It meant a lot

The other night, i laid down trying to get sleep
I couldn't though, my phone started to beep

I read the message on my phone
I threw it then because of what it shown

I couldn't believe what i read
I thought for you, i was practically known as being dead

I started to cry when i read that you're still here for me
I didn't think that this was happening

I thought that you forgot about me
But i guess you didn't or so i see

I smiled the whole next day, i swear
And i really meant it, which was really rare

But it's weird because yeah I'm starting to change
So much of my life is really strange

I said i was quitting smoking, but it didn't work like i planned
I don't smoke a lot but it's a habit i can't stand

I don't cut no more...well not my wrist
And that kind of cutting i really have missed

I do admit though, i have burned my arm
The one was bad, but there's no alarm

I think about hurting myself...sometimes suicide
I think that it would be nothing if i died

I hate this home and they hate me
It's hard to laugh when the room is so empty

And it's at the point where I'm doing drugs and drinking
But it's weird because i know what I'm thinking

And my reason is that i don't want to be here
And i thought you walked away from me because you weren't at all near

So which made me believe, i suck at this
Nothing i leave would i miss

And it's at the point where i don't know where to go
Where's the right path? i will never know

But you still impacted me and my life
I don't cut my wrists because i think of you when i touch the knife

I try to make decisions on my own
And i write out a lot when I'm at home

And when i can drive, me and my friends are going away
For a while or at least a day

I think you're right to get away for a while
To go to a different place...more than a mile

But so many times i tried and i would constantly try
To be strong, then i remembered it's OK to cry

I tried talking to another adult and it didn't go good
I had a little bit of confidence from you, but still i didn't know if it would

I hope so much that you'll come back to visit some day
Just to let me know that you are OK

Because i hear about shootings and all down in Philly and all
And I'm scared that it's near you or maybe not at all

I don't tell people how i care about them to their face
I just live my life so i can get out of this place

And i don't hug people or smile a lot
I still have fun, but do i feel happy? i think not

But if i saw you come around here some day
I would smile and probably cry, while trying to figure out what to say

I would hug you because i miss you
But I'd feel guilty because of what i do

So you ask if I'm OK but I'm not at all
I fell so hard while i was so tall

And if you want to leave, i guess you can
I'm a person probably that you can't stand

But to let you know, knowing that you're there
Made me so happy, just to know that you still care