3 AM

I glanced up at the clock on my wall as it hit 3 AM, yeah you guessed it sleep has evaded me once again. But I guess this is just what's become of me, my nightly routine. It's no coincedence, really it's been this way a long, long time. I've even forgotten what it's like to have a normal life, what it's like to be able to have peaceful dreams at night.

It's been this way night in and night out for about 2 years now..maybe three, ever since we shut the door to what could've been, to what should now be.

It's 3 AM yeah, I know I'm up yet again, my nightly routine never does seem to fail me.

It's been so long since we've really talked, hugged with meaning, or even held hands, but I think it's been even longer since I could really smile.

Seems like it's been forever since we had our last good laugh together, it feels like it's been forever since we whispered our final goodbyes, I remember it like it was yesterday, we were both trying so hard not to think about what we were about to lose, tried even harder not to cry infront of eachother and reveal just how much it was hurting both of our breaking hearts.

I guess we really did fail in that aspect, as our heartfelt tears fell from our eyes and slid slowly down our cheeks leaving a trail of what could only be described as heartbreak to be later washed away, I watched as you cried through tears of my own..as the tears continued to fall onto the cold, hard, cement floor beneathe our feet.

I don't think I will ever be able to forget that day.

There were no words spoken, no words could come close to portraying how much this goodbye hurt, no words just one last tearful kiss that revealed all the words that wouldn't come out of our mouths, all the feelings our hearts couldn't express were felt within our last goodbye kiss.

As I looked into your eyes one last time, I almost lost my nerve, I almost tried to save what was already too far gone, so before I lost my nerve or you asked me to stay because I knew I wouldn't have the heart to say no, I turned and walked away not daring to look back.

It's been a very long time since that day, but still I can taste the tears we both shed, so fresh in my memory is the pain that still resides in me.

But time's supposed to fix everything right? I wonder how much longer will it take until my heart finally dies from all the pain it can't take.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, will I ever be whole again? Will I? Will I ever be able to find anyone who can make me even half as happy as you could, or am I destined to live the rest of my life, empty and alone?

Will I ever be able to look at pictures of us without tears in my eyes, or will my heart hold onto that once upon a time life we used to have until it's had far too much to take?

Will my heart ever forget you? Or the memories, or am I condemned to this life, a life of misery.

It's 3 A.M and..I'm up once again. Wondering how you're doing and where you are..have you found someone new? just the thought breaks my heart..

But I guess that's how it's gunna be until my heart forgets about all we were meant to be x3

~*SaMmIe*~