A Fog of Memory

Skipping around no voices...
The venom is searing through my marrow.
The sky is blank and no stars shine.
And my meandering path is narrow.

Wandering through the shallow fog
I see my feet beneath me.
They walk on their own...not of my choice.
As if they, too, could see.

No wind to send my hair to wisps
Just a chill into my bone.
Comforting how a simple breath
Can sound when you are alone.

My fate was fabled...within the light.
No reality to sustain me there.
No God for love, no heat for warmth...
In their bitterness...they did not care.

Within my heart, I knew my thoughts...
The pain I still somewhat bear is sadness.
This not wrought by trembles of light...
Just complete and utter madness.

Within my heart...my depression grew.
I was wrong to be in this life...
So while I wore my facade of a smile...
I started to use a knife.

I figured that somewhere in my body
Was the answer of which I sought...
My mind and soul and heart went numb
With the pain my reddened blade brought.

Then time went by. I met someone...
A man I now know a "boy".
At first it was love and I truly smiled...
But then...truth was...a toy.

Caressing here...then turning emotion.
A strike across the face.
In my voice I sought to cry...
But of grief there was no trace.

Faithful I stayed...but never enough...
For our love grew far apart.
I wanted to end us...but never I did.
I just did not have the heart.

I moved in with him...and with his friend.
Such a clever hand dealt by fate.
For when I lived with my boyfriend there...
What remained of our love turned to hate.

I spent time with Jay...that friend of ours...
He taught me many things...
He told me I deserved better than "him"...
Oh, how that memory stings.

Over time my apathy arose
My hate grew evermore new.
He called me a "fuc-king mistake" one day...
And then I said we were through.

He brought me flowers, he brought me fake love
What was I to do?
I did not love what I knew to be false...
I knew what to be...was true.

He left the place to me and Jay...
And left my heart forever...
I started to love another man...
A love I was ready to endeavor.

The time had worn away my sorrow
The willow wispered to my ears.
Loving Jay...my teacher and love...
Has washed away all my fears.

I'm stronger now, and can feel I've changed.
What do you think of it all?
Truth is it matters not what you think...
It never did...that's all.