What a powerful poem, I really did enjoy it. As it is so detailed and quite lengthy, I’ll comment stanza by stanza.
First stanza short and sweet, it’s a nice way to start out.
Second stanza flowed brilliantly, you have perfect wording in this, equally describing both positive and negative. My only suggestion is maybe you could split the 9th line as this seems long compared to the rest of the stanza and poem.
The third and fourth stanzas were good. My suggestion for these and all other stanzas is that punctuation such as apostrophes would neaten it up. This is because some words become confusing without them, see stanza 5, line 3 for an example of this.
The fifth stanza flowed nicely, and has good wording again. But, I think you have a typo on the last line of this stanza.
The final two stanzas were very powerful and set the ending well. They were sad and shocking, but I like it. This poem was very original in many ways and is a great piece of work. If you sort out the mistakes, this is a poem to be proud of.
Thanks for sharing.

Great job. I loved it. Its very deep and it has a great message. wow, keep em coming!
Love
Starlight
aka
Ashley

That was such a great peom. the contrast was olmso overwhelming. i loved it. but.....i didnt like the ending. i felt it was unnecessary. great poem though

I loved it Liz!!! very well written!!!Awesome!!!!!!!

Joclyn

That is fabulous. i luvd the entire poem, there was nuthing wrong. i look 4ward 2 reading more of ur stuff in the future. im sry u didnt get a top spot in my contest though, but i had u in concideration! 5/5!
~*Who Cares?*~

Oh my god, I loved this! This is by far my favorite of yours! This deserves the highest rating possible!

I LOVED the topic...it's so magical and true..I got such a vivid picture in my mind...God I wish I would have written it! =) This is just amazing..I can't give it enough praise. And by the way, I like dark things, if you can't tell.

xDarkSuicidex 10.5 (If I could)