How many times have they told me I can\'t? Damn, I feel my fists clentch, and my finger nails dig into my palms every time their voices echoes in my head, or the look on their faces flash across my eyes. Hot tears gather so quickly in my eyes, responding to my shock at their unfaithful beliefs in me. How many times have I heard these:
You can\'t sing
You suck
You\'re ugly
You\'re so NOT funny
You\'re acting\'s not believable,
you\'re writing makes no sense,
ummm... this just doesn\'t work for you.
Why even TRY dancing?!
you\'re NOT atheltic.
Not the brightest...
You need a BIGGER SIZE in those pants.
Hold up. Wait ONE second. Who gave you the permission to step in and tell me I\'m FAT?! What does ugly mean anyways? I guess everytime I wake up I should remember those looks those people gave me, or the sound of his voice calling me fat and ugly. Yeah, I admit it. Lots of times I HATE what I see in the mirror. I mean, would you WANT to see me walk around without my clothes on? Fat ass, fat ass... unpretty legs. Wanna get to me? There ya go. Damn, I hate my hair ! Ugh, how many times have I dyed it? I always hope that THIS TIME it will look good, I\'ll be satisfied.Nope, never. I\'m hoping for some amazing change, I guess. That one day I\'ll look in the mirror and boom! I\'ll be happy with what I see? Should I blame them for this discomfort? Nah.
It\'s all me. I am what I am. I can fix what I need to.
Someone gorgeous once told me that I can be beautiful if I take it one day at a time. Damn, she was so perfect. How come I look at her, and want what she has. Don\'t have something great too? I need to find what\'s about me. Do you ever feel like, everything about you sucks? It\'s a scary to think that you\'re kinda well, undesireable, unlovable, and overall, just plain worthless. There has to be something about me that\'s appealing, special, beautiful even? I mean, my ass doesn\'t look fat in EVERY pair of jeans. Most days I get my ass the gym. Sometimes, though, I\'m such a lazy piece of shit. I lye around feeling sorry for myself, whining, \"Why, why, why?!\" Ugh, tmorrow will be better, tomorrow WILL be better... won\'t it? Okay, no really, the DAY AFTER THAT. THAT\'S the day I\'ll look the way I want to, and a guy will notice me and think, \"Damn; now SHE\'S hot.\" Do I obcess over this? Naw, I just think of it from time to time. Mostly, I shove aside my discomfort, try to be comfortable with who I am. But I guess I\'m relaly not. But, to all those people who told me I can\'t sing, or that I don\'t belong center stage cause I can act, dance or sing, I laugh at you. I laugh at you sitting there on your ass in a chair, in the audience, waiting for you mom and dad to give you some money so youcan have a few drinks with your friends, and then get high. Because you see, I\'ll be working me ass off to GET SOMEWHERE. I may be self consious, insecure, stupid, whatever. But no one can say I\'m not driven. No one can say I don\'t have goals that I\'ll reach. Just come watch me. and you can watch me try, fall, and fail, but you\'ll SEE ME TRY; and that\'s what I do. Haaaaa, this is ME. Emotional, crazy, fun, and just.... trying, trying to take it
one day at a time
