Have you ever had anything in your life that you just blew right over, never tried on it, or really could care less? Thats how it is for me on something, most of my life I really didn't give a shit, but when I actually put everything I have into it, I just got the same results as if I wasn't even trying at all. It's things like that, that really get you to feel worthless and feel like even if you put your heart, soul, and mind into something, it just doesn't work. When you are beating yourself up trying to earn something you really want and you honestly think you can do it, but then you fail and to everyone else it looks like you didn't put any effort into it, thats what really tears your heart away. You basically want to just give up trying on everything. You sit and wonder "why couldn't I have been successful?" Someone else tries on something and of course they get it, but when you do it, you throw it away like it wasn't even an opportunity. It makes your heart ache, knowing you failed yourself, your parents, your friends, God, and anyone else who might have had the tiniest bit of hope for you. All you ever want to do is just fade away in a dark hole because you feel so unsuccessful. Well, when you think about it, at least you know you put all you have into it, and if no one believes you, it doesn't matter because God is your witness.
