(I wrote this last week after finding out I have a growth in my temperol lobe)
This cancer eats away at my body.
Bit by bit my body dies.
My flesh fades and shrivles
and my strength is sucked dry.
I am not the same man you knew
I have changed since we last talked.
My eyes are no longer open
and there is a stager in my walk.
I used to be all smiles and happy -
for friends I'd go the extra mile.
But now it's been ages since I laughed...
it's ages since I last smiled.
I can't find my way through the pain.
The tears...they flow inside.
In me is a poison growing fast
and the anguish I can no longer hide.
This demon in me feeds off my flesh
and feasts upon the tissue in me.
And though I know it's in there thriving
there is no cure - just sympathy.
Friends pat me on the head.
Walking away...they wish the best.
They sympathize with plastic smiles
but it's all done in hopeless jest.
Will this disease be my final demise?
Will it bring my life to a screeching halt?
Will this kill any ministry I may have -
and if so...is it all my fault?
Have I done something to bring this on me
or am I a cruel victim of unlucky fate?
Is there a method to this madness?
Is my situation really that great?
Have I sinned too much my Lord?
Have I done something to envoke your wrath?
Have I stepped too far astray
and wondered off the path?
Is this why you do this to me?
Why me? What have I done?
Why must I drink of this cup?
A cup I wish to pass and shun.
I will not deny that you love me
for on the cross Your love was solidified -
and I know that I am bearing this sickness
so that in the end you will be glorified.
But still Lord, why me?
Why have you chosen me for this task?
I will not second guess your actions
but still I have a right to ask!
Unveil the mission to me Lord,
reveal to me your divine reason!
Show me the purpose behind this!
What is the purpose to this season?
