A fake smile
A small laugh
All I can think about
Is the past
Present future tense
You can feel it in the air
The room is always still
Or I wish it was my mind
Constantly racing around
Thoughts ideas pictures
Visions through which I see
The pain hurt wonder
That has filled me
Now its happiness but still
Its there
Haunting me
The pain chasing me
A vortex of misery
What you see
Is not real
Its not the true me
What I wish I could be though
That's what you see
I'm not afraid of dying
I'm not afraid of pain
But I'm afraid of me
I know what I can do
Past present future
I wish I could see
Focusing on the good
Is the only way I get by
My boyfriend
My best friend
Guard
It's a small list isn't it?
Death actually seems inviting
Beckoning to me
But I cannot go
A fake smile
Hides my true feelings
It's like performing
A small laugh
Just to please my friends
It's not the same feelings
Not my mom anymore
Not my sister
It's not what it used to be
But Amanda doesn't care anymore
A fake smile
To hide my jealousy
I hate myself
But only I know
My mind is always
My most dangerous foe
I've stopped saying whats inside
All it does is hurt
It drives people away
That's at least how it seems
A small laugh
I wish
My life
Truth or lying
A fake smile
A small laugh
Deep depression
I don't want to cut
But I don't want to
Be here
I wish
Pain hurt misery
Amanda
A fake smile
Charlie
A small laugh
You don't see
The real me I'm
Conforming to society
