Living Through The Pen

If you read my poems,
it shows how I truely feel,
not what I choose to show the world,
but what's hidden inside, what's real.

It shows what I cannot express out loud,
what I can't bring myself to say,
that I think I have a problem,
which is getting worse everyday.

The voice telling me I should die,
speaks louder than them all,
it's the most frequent voice inside my head,
although the least logical.

But the longer it keeps talking,
the more I think it might be right,
I'm very worried what might happen,
when I'm just to tirred to fight.

My poems help keep that voice at bay,
although not for very long,
because as soon as the last word is written,
the voice comes back in song.

It rings throughout my head,
it followes me in my dreams,
it is the one that jumps inside,
and pushes out my screams.

This voice is the one that fuels my depression,
lights the fire for my rage,
the one I had buried for so long,
now has broken out of its cage.

It's running rampid in my head,
and making my body go numb,
but it can cover it's tracks so easily,
which is very worry-some.

It can make me feel my soul is raw,
but still force a smile to my lips,
and when someone asked me about it,
my voice sucame to it's grips.

I denied anything was wrong,
felt the words just suddenly appear,
cause that was not at all what I had meant to say,
and my depression swung into second gear.

Whenever I tried to talk about it,
the words froze up in my throat,
I came so very close one day,
but couldn't find the right note.

And that's currently how I stay,
still denying anythings wrong,
always faking a smile,
fighting these demons that are so strong.

Fighting them on my own,
to embarrassed to express how I feel,
hoping the longer I keep them inside,
that faster they will become unreal.

So I will ignore and deny,
these struggles that I alone face,
for right now I'm on the edge,
of succumbing to it's tight embrace.

But for now I will continue writing,
the thing that makes me glow,
the only thing that helps quiet the voices,
constantly telling me I should go.

©
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