I liked this poem!!!! Its very well written i wish i was able to write about life like that!!!!! Ne ways how r u? Joclyn

Here is a truthful critique. Get rid of the commas after every line unless the sentence they belong really requires a comma there. They impede the flow and hold up the thought process of the poem. Secondly, don't use and where to wll do. Write this poem out like sentences, you can keep your rhymes where they are, but think of it as prose and try to make it flow structurally. Your sentences are wordy, and some words just don't belong. Anyways, it is a good start. You have used many different techniques and seem to put in a lot of effort. The idea isn't bad just keep working.

Again, another great poem. It is so true to life. I mean, how many times to people take time out of their busy schedules to focus on people other than themselves? Very deep dear. Loved it.
> Kiesha