The Subtle Knife

Tell me why I'm still living
when all I want to do is die
I breathe one with you, yet I don't want to
when i said I loved you it was a lie

When you hug me, I feel nothing inside
just an empty hollow pit
going along just for the ride
I'm standing knee deep in the midst of you, even when I'd rather sit

All this love your giving me, I can hardly give back
I'm sorry I'm like this
it's the fullness of heart that i lack
I'm sorry I pull away as you lean in for a kiss

There's so many things i need to fix within me
this pain has scarred me for life
so many things i need to see
realization rips through me like a subtle knife

I hang on to you
for you is all i have
and the longing in my eyes is the only clue
of how much more lonelier I've become

what the fu.ck is wrong with me i ask
i think that i need to save myself
it can be no one else's over burdened task
but i promise I'll savor every moment of this

I don't know how long you'll last
maybe soon you'll just be someone in the past

please don't leave me just yet
I'll stay here just for you OK?
my death day isn't yet set
and today is not my day

I've never tasted this
never felt this
never dipped my awaiting finger into this
but one thing I know is
I'm about to do all the things I've dreamed of
and maybe someday I'll be truly in love with you