Symbolism

There's this box that sits on the table
I examine it in interest
Trying to find a label
On this intriguing chest

It seems this box is enormous
With just it's little meaning
Not one bit tedious
It wasn't that demeaning

I stretch out my arm
To lift open the lid
Afraid what I may disarm
Or lose in that chancing bid

I open it up to take a peek
Another box is there
Now the end is what I seek
But mostly why I care

It gives the impression it's a symbol
And I think about it and it's me
My thoughts are all rekindled
And I'm afraid of what I see

All the times I was depressed
All the times I wasn't content
I always seemed to be distressed
And thought to relent

I was always pushed away
No one cared what I said
I dreaded the sight of a new day
And what would go on in my head

No one understood the pain I kept
They couldn't see my heartache
And never knew how many times I've wept
Because I am just a fake

My smile was never real
Every moment was spent fighting for my life
I can't handle how I feel
So I turn to a knife

It's my best friend
It is my biggest weakness
I know it will be there for me in the end
It may be the only witness

I proceed to lift the lids
Just more boxes appear
Finally the last one is slid
And all that comes is a tear

What I find are memories
Pictures and trinkets
My childhood keys
My favorite baby blankets

Photos of me with real friends
People who love me
They were with me through thick and thin
It's sad, I just now see

I'm so selfish
I only thought of myself
I was being so foolish
By sitting everyone around me on a shelf

I pull out all the recollections
And I find my best friend waiting
I pick it up and see my reflection
Now I'm left debating

All it does is taunt me
With it's precious slicing blade
It always seems to haunt me
With the previous cuts I've made

I know I cannot quit
Even with the love given
I'm just meant to be the misfit
Who's sick and tired of living

I'll prolly never commit suicide
But it does cross my mind
Looking for someone in who I can confide
But to this I must be blind

The opportunity is always there
But only when I give myself time to think
I'll go in this total stare
Sometimes I won't even blink

All my thoughts just rush
Every one of 'em crumpled in my brain
All they do is crush
So I let 'em escape through my veins

My problem is an addiction
Yet the only cure for my pain
It may seem like just a mere depiction
But without it I'll go insane

But now you are prolly wondering
How the box symbolizes me
I won't leave you pondering
So I'll tell you what I see

All these different levels
But all you see is make believe
Hiding all my devils
Only there to deceive

The top most layers after the fake
Hold my depression
The part of me about to break
For lack of true expression

The rest is so unclear
Just mixed emotions
Or the real me I fear
Covered by the untamed oceans

I guess I'll never know
If I'll ever see tomorrow
I might just let go
Consumed by all my sorrow