Pretend

I sit here writing these poems all the time
Writing them with you in mind
I wish you were here
Right here, right now
I want to find you, but how
How can I when I don't know where you are
All I can hope is we're looking at the same star
And pretend that you are next to me
And pretend that life's how I want it to be

These thoughts fill me up like a balloon
I'm so full like that full moon
That's now looking bleak
Just an empty space of black
Please I wish that you'd come back
And though I never had you in the first place
I'm dying just to see that old smile on your face
And pretend you're happy to be here
And pretend you're okay if I hold you near

All I can do is pretend
That I could be within your arms
Within your grip so safe from harm
And pretend that you want me there with you
Hoping that these wishful thoughts will come true
Because there's nothing else for me to do
Just to cry and pretend

But I can't pretend that I'm okay
Can't pretend that I'm alive
Because you were all I ever had
You were what helped me thrive
My imagination can only do so much
You'll never love me, you didn't before
That fact kills me inside
So I'll just hide behind this locked door
And pretend that I'm not bleeding
And pretend no one hears me screaming