Remember when you said that you'd always be there for me?
And I told you that things would change.
You'd make new and better friends,
and I'd be all alone again.
I've been so lonely and cold for so long.
Especially since you've left.
Things are not the same anymore.
And nobody cares or wants me.
Things have turned toward the worst.
And I understand what I do is wrong.
But I can't help it when its the only thing I can turn to.
I do it when I'm alone and I feel like no one cares.
Each time I slice the warm fresh skin with the cold shiny knife.
The blood lays on my skin.
Every time it amounts to more.
More blood.
The pin going deeper.
The deeper it goes the more it helps
Almost like its addicting.
The blood stains the pale white skin.
It used to be one, just one on the left leg.
After just a week the count has increased to seven.
It drips down my leg and piles up.
I wonder what it would be like using a razor blade.
What it would be like to use scissors.
What it would be like to try it on my wrist.
I let it bleed for awhile.
I want to see the stain and the scar.
Eventually I'll clean it up.
As I slice, I breathe deep.
Releasing what I feel.
It feels good and at the end
I'm free of whats holding me back.
I can go to sleep at night.
Without dreams plaguing me.
The chains of bondage are broken.
I'm am free to go on with my life.
Until something else comes along.
And breaks down the wall of comfort and security.
It chains me back up to the hell of my mind.
The mind of insanity and fire.
The mind of curiosity and desire.
The process just continues,
going deeper, deeper,
wider, wider,
bigger, bigger
bloodier, bloodier.
Until you see the ambulance blazing down the road.
Until you see that I'm absent from my classes.
Not playing my instrument or doing my homework.
Not living life in general.
And finally you see what has happened.
The smell of blood on the gray carpet of the room that was once mine.
You realize I was reaching out.
Screaming but not heard.
Wishing you could help me now.
But its too late.
You knew what was going on.
But you didn't think that it was so bad.
Wishing you could have stopped me.
Regretting and reliving the what ifs.
Instead your watching the casket being lowered into the ground.
While the people nearby are mourning.
You can't believe that this has happened.
You walk away feeling cold and shocked.
