Well, i gotta admit, it was full of rage, but it din reli capture me. i din feel wat u wer tryin to say, and ur rhyme seemed a lil bit forced.. wat reli cot my attention was

Then I see my life
Hang from the ceiling
It pleas for air
While it has no meaning

that one kinda stood out from the rest of the poem

gud effort, tho
take care
Nannoush