Gud effort... u started off rhyming, then dropped it, wich kinda threw me off coz i was expecting some sort of rhyme.. but, its still gud, in fact, i kinda lykd the nonrhyming parts more than those that did... in the part wer u say "is it too much I ask for" i think u shud change it to "is it too much to ask for"...
hmm.. wat else?? :P :D.. well i gez thats it.. i reli lykd ur poem as a whole, but ur last stanza was gr8 :D
take care
Nannoush