Love me please...

You say i come first in you life?
You say i mean the f_ucking world to you?
You say you love me more than anything?
I think you say a lot of things..
Trouble is, you don't know how to mean them..
You don't know why i cry myself to sleep at night..
Nor why i'm not fighting to live.
There are a lot of things that you don't know..
Mainly about why i want my life to end..
I'm scared to fall asleep at night
Incase i don't want to wake up
or try my best to get through the day
or how much im going to miss the dark..
i'm terrified to wake up in the morning
coz thats when i realize how fake yesterday was..
the smiles and the laughter weren't real
that wasn't me
that was a drug of happiness that doesnt make me high..
So i spend the day wishing upon my scars
For the darkness to be mine again..
Why darkness?
Coz being invisible isn't possible..
Why invisible?
Coz i don't want people to see my crimson scars..
Why not?
Coz then people will know that i don't have courage..
Courage? To press the blade down deeper..
I'm so uncomfortable in my own body.
looking out at my own sorry life
from behind my own eyes..
i'm so uncomfortable living my own god_damn life..
its not fair..
coz its mine..
I don't want people to talk to me..
I don't want people to look at me..
Just incase they figure out my big secret
of why i want to f ucking die..
So I dream of perpetual darkness
where no one knows
and no one cares
about my insecurities that bleed from within me..