Is It Even Me?

My feelings are all cadged up
The pain I feel is deep inside
These bloody tears I cry
No longer will I hide

I dont want to be fake
I dont want to act sweet
Because all of that would be a lie
Just to keep me on my feet

I wouldnt want someone lying to me
I really want to stop with my lies
But I also want you all to stop with the labels
To look at me and finally realize

Im not who I want to be
And thats because of all you
Acting how you act
Doing the things you do

Can you not tell just by looking at me?
That my smile is fake
And my taste is rare?
The pain Im holding its too much to shake

I know I need help
I need to let it all out
But Ive got a feeling
That all my friends will shout

Theyll ask me dumb questions like
Why didnt I tell them of my pain?
Why did I keep it all a secret?
Then theyll repeat them over and over again

If they could read this
Im sure theyd tell me its a lie
They wouldnt ask me those questions
Just one: why would you want to die?

But I wouldnt be able
To explain what I feel
Its too complicated
Some times I wonder if its real

Can nobody see how hard
It is for me to explain?
What pain Im going through
Is everybody oblivious to my pain?

Does anybody ever look?
Deep into my eyes
If they do how can they not see
The pain and realize?

If everyone thought I was happy
It really wouldnt matter
How I handled the pain
And if my heart would shatter

Because no one would know
No one could question me
When did you make those cuts?
What makes you who dont want to be?

No one would see past
The smile that fits in place
Looking so real
A permanent fixture on my face

No one would bother me
All would go right
No one would realize
All the tears I at night

In the world I have been talking about
All is going fine
Just a shame it cant be that way now
I wish this life was mine

Just keeping to myself
No one knowing of my pain
No body asking me how it happened
Making me live it again and again