by dollwithafrown Nov 2, 2005
category :
Life, society /
other
I don't understand what causes the pain |
The flow was a tad off in places, which threw off the rhythmn of the poem. There were also a few places that you seemed to force a rhyme. Some words could have been used differently. |
by Letty
Bravo! This was a very inspiriring piece. I loved the concept of it and I loved the flow. The rhyming was ok. I have only two suggestions: |
Ooo. I like this one. ^_^ It had loads of meaning, and innocence in it. I just didn't quite like the flow very much. It was like you were cramming too many words into one line, and that ruined the flow. The meaning was great though. Again, summing up the meaning of life in just a few lines. Keep it up. =) 5/5 xoxo |
by ASPHYXIATED
"Hurting the innocent and punishing the weak" |