Reflection of the past

Some people can never understand why people do it
They don't comprehend their reasons one bit

I couldn't handle life anymore
I kept screwing up, what really am i living for?

Am i here just to take up space?
Or is there a reason for me to be in this place...

I would hide...anytime that i could
I would runaway from everything, believe me i would

Times when my family really got to me
I would run until i couldn't control my breathing

I couldn't stand crying, neither could the boyfriend
He said this all had to end

I ignored my world and entered his life
I became his best friend...dammit i felt like his wife

After a several fights and years
After the questionable regrets and tears

I walked away but fell down
It's hard to stand up with nobody else around

I smashed a beer bottle and grabbed the sharpest one
My hands were shaking...it all came undone

Everyday, it became a habit
I would see something sharp and i HAD to grab it

I would grab onto it like it was my life
I would lose control from the feeling of a knife

The tears fell as i retraced my cuts
I'd stop the crying as my world shuts

I became so low that i had hiding places
I had sharp things in all these tiny spaces

when i had a bad day, I'd turn to the pain
The blood would run and the scar will remain

I used everything i could, and that's a shame
Because it means i couldn't play life's little game

And now that i stopped i admit, i still think about it
Sometimes i would like to cut only a little bit

And i picked a knife up today
I didn't talk all freaking day

I looked at my wrists, the scars are starting to disappear
Recent scabs are now a fear

I dropped the knife, but the urge did last
I got scared when i saw the reflection of the past