Forgive me, Father, For I have Sinned...

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,
I've never been to confession before,
But I felt I sort of needed to
After all the things I did and saw.

I've not been at my best place lately,
And I can deal with that easily,
But, Father, I took my anger out on someone,
And, I'm sorry Father, but that someone wasn't me.

I've hurt someone, Father,
And I knew they weren't to blame,
But I keep seeing them in my mind,
This guilt is driving me insane.

I walked up to that house,
And just went straight inside,
I saw them all so happy,
And realized this life is a lie.

I went into the kitchen and knew what I wanted to do,
And I found the sharpest knife,
I walked back to the room where they were all sat
And, Father, I ended someone's life.

It was a young boy, Father,
With long brown hair and deep blue eyes,
I can still remember his last words,
His last moments, his last cries.

His family ran screaming,
Only his father stayed to protect that young child,
But I hit his daddy on the head with something,
To say he was hurt is mild.

Then I turned to the young boy,
That gleaming knife still in my hand,
He backed away until he was huddles in the corner,
So afraid he could barely stand.

I told him it was his fault,
I told him he'd ruined my life, my mind,
He said he didn't know me and I knew it was true,
But my anger made me blind.

I remember he tried to hurt me and get free,
He began to sob as he realised what I was going to do,
His eyes kept darting around,
I felt his terror through and through.

I held him down by his throat,
And, Father, he was so young, so small,
And even though he knew he was going to die,
He said so long as I didn't hurt his family, he would take it all.

I held him down and drove that knife into his little beating heart,
Shouting at him that he stole everything that had a meaning,
I did it again and again until he no longer looked like a boy,
Listening to his painful screaming.

After I had done my dirty deed,
I sat back on my haunches and watched him die.
I watched him take his final breath and I didn't feel anything,
I didn't laugh, didn't scream, and didn't cry.

I watched as his blood soaked through the carpet,
I watched as it spread and stained his clothes,
It felt like time slowed just to let my conscience catch up,
It felt like time simply froze.

I watched my hands in the kitchen sink,
And walked out as I finally felt my guilt and shame creep in,
I thought that I had killed my fears,
But it seemed like, after it all, they would win.

I only killed that boy because I couldn't get who I wanted,
It was simply because he was there,
And, Father, when it happened,
I didn't even care.

Father, I know what I did was wrong,
I have my dreams to prove this to me nightly,
But I don't know how to carry on,
Even the air feels heavier, clinging to me tightly.

I know he didn't deserve what I did to him,
Lying there all twisted and torn apart,
Ripped and shredded as I killed him,
Leaving a rip in both our hearts.

© Copyright of Holly Nia Goodson