Live the lie

I wish my body, resembled the way i feel
if it did, you'd feel pity, and slip me the pill
with each passing day, I'm drowning in my blood
suffocating alone, I'm a stick, stuck in the mud
its so hard to bare, everyday i feel sick
i want to finish this life, and kill myself quick
but i haven't got the power, I'm too scared to try
so until the day i pass, I'll continue to live the lie

*this poem is about how much i hate my life, how bad i feel every waking moment and how i fool the public into thinking i'm constantly happy. I haven't been truly happy for years, though the agony eased while i was with my now ex-girlfriend, but has now returned stronger than ever. I'm planing to end it all on my 19 birthday on 24 December...but until then, I'll keep writing*