I got the message

Better late than never
but I got the message.
All I could understand
then was the mixed feeling.

I was so worried
about winning the argument
that I never won
that I didn't hear the message.

I did not take in consideration
that she was a person like me.
I was taught to control
my emotions, feelings and anger.

I was taught that boys don't cry.
I was told boys don't play with dolls.
He said you are too old to play with toys.
He said be a man and make me proud.

So I became monster instead.
I couldn't be the man he was.
I couldn't be man at all
because of this hidden human.

I began building walls.
Walls with in walls.
Boxes within boxes.
Circles within circles.

My thoughts became a desert wind.
Everything I loved died to me.
I ran away but still I was there
to torment me to no end.

Then one day it started to change.
I admitted I was human.
I admitted I was an addict
and alcoholic.
I admitted that I am powerless.

I found I didn't like being lonely, any more.
I found that I can be wrong.
I found that it OK to be me.
I am still searching for me.