Remember when she used to say,
Before she died,
Before we moved,
Before she got sick
And we blamed the sickness all on her,
Before she died,
Before I missed the funeral,
All because of you,
Yes you, you dragged me out,
Before I blamed you like that,
For ruining my life in the worst possible way,
Before all of that blame I placed on your shoulders,
Before that,
She said that she was glad I taught my sister how to smile.
But I didn't,
But I never said that,
And it seemed to be our little joke.
I taught my sister how to smile,
How cute,
And that was whipped out when I was angry,
Or sad or upset,
And I would smile,
And she would smile,
Where did those days go?
When he came over,
He would pinch my cheeks,
And say, smile, grouchy!
And I hated that,
But I would paste on a fake smile,
Unglue my face,
As soon as he or I looked away.
Where did those days go,
When I would smile all the time,
And people called me smiley,
When they forgot my name?
Where did those days go?
And my name haunts you,
And my voice haunts you,
And my unseen tears,
My unheard yells,
Screams,
Cries,
Yells of frustration,
Screams of anger,
Cries of pain, and hurt, and everything else,
Adding up too much so all I could do was take it,
And pretend like my insides weren't dead,
Weren't black,
Weren't totally useless to anyone.
And as the flames lick your feet,
The flames rising on your guilt and remorse,
Greedily crackling,
So the red and orange heat rose up to your knees,
Your legs,
All the way up to your neck,
So you could feel the heat,
The pain,
Everything,
The guilt,
The remorse,
The hurt,
Everything,
Like nothing you've ever felt before.
And finally just before I leave you forever,
You hear my voice,
One last time,
Telling you goodbye,
Good night,
And that's all I'll say.....
