A Drink On Satarday

You can reach me at
http://www.makephpbb.com/phpbb/index.php?mforum=artandpoetry
I live in the UK and am half American from W Va
Have home in Sistersville

Loosen my lips and dull my mind,
let me fly to where dreams are made,
to where understanding is just a sip away,
[This part is a actually a real good start. You set up a statement in your first line and follow it up with examples. Unfortunately the next line comes abrupt Showing kind of takes away the depth of the first few lines. Maybe Truth lies at the bottom of this bottle instead. You have some real good word choice but ost of it feels as if it is telling and without showing even a bit, it fails to connect to the reader as much as you would like. I give you credit, it's an interesting poem and I don't tell people that much unless it;'s the truth. It kept my attention and that's sometimes rare. I look forward to more of your poems.

Its good and short ..Some poems like this one are better kept short
Love the flow
From fellow West Virginian
John

WOW... Freak Dang great job!! 5/5

~!*FallenTears~!*
~!*Meaghen~!*