I have messed up my children
i have gotten caught
just three years ago
and in my desperate try
to make myself be safe
i lose something too great
i have lost my first love
my only love
and i am afraid
that now that i have returned
from my 3 year journey
3 year transformation
thought still stuck with the same problems
i can't get the one person i want
no, the one person i need back
i know that everyone has their first
yet i never got to experience it enough
that i will remember it
i am so scared
and so confused
that if i wait much longer
more of me will die
i just want to stop all this bullshit
lying and decide
and most of all
the silence
for that drives a knife through my heart
everyday since my love left
i know that i have changed
maybe have gotten worse in some ways
and i am positive that my love has also changed, whether it is for the better or worse for me, or for the better or wore for them, they have changed
and i can't seem to
not want them
i am clueless to what to do
i try
i swear i try
but i don't know
if i will ever get back with them
hopefully
i will not be away forever
