Remember the times,
When I’d sit on the couch,
And we'd talk forever?
We’d talk about school, and my day, and lunch,
And you'd help me understand
The way people act like they do.
You’d stare at your computer,
Like that everyday,
And sometimes you never once looked up
To see me sitting,
But at least you were there.
But all that ended,
When we moved here,
To this place that you call home.
And this is all you ever wanted,
And it's all you ever needed,
But I’d give it up just to go back.
Go back to the time when we lived in a house too small,
And we didn't have a real yard.
We were all cramped up in a small little space,
And my last thoughts at night were,
Will we have enough money for food?
But I’d trade all this in,
So fast like you wouldn't believe,
Because this place isn't home.
I’d give up this house,
In less than a heartbeat,
With it's three extra rooms,
That no one goes in,
And it's many many floors.
I don't think about money,
In the middle of the night anymore.
But my thoughts haunt me more.
There are nights to this day,
When I cry myself to sleep,
And I wish I can cry just so loud
So you can hear me downstairs,
And come up to my room,
And ask me what's going on.
And I’ll sit and I’ll cry,
But not one lie
Will spare you from what I’m saying.
You’ll hear me and
That will be my excuse
To tell you what's going on.
I’ll tell you how,
I hate my life,
And how I wish we could go back.
I miss you,
I really miss you.
Remember when I’d sit on the couch,
And we'd talk forever,
And no one would care?
Sometimes it'd seem like you were barely listening,
But at least you were there.
There are nights when I’d cry myself to sleep,
And I like to kid myself that
You can sense my pain,
Sense my hurt,
Sense my tears.
But in my mind I know I’m wrong.
Because it's been 6 months.
And you're not here now
As I write this.
And I know you can't sense it,
Or something would have been done.
Now I barely see you.
I can't come home and
See you sitting at your computer.
Right there by the phone,
So in case I need you
All I’d have to do was call.
Do you know how much that meant to me?
A lot,
More than you think.
You were just 9 digits away from me.
667-1854,
And you were there,
Everywhere I went.
And now that's not true.
I was always so close to you,
But now you don't know anything about me
Or my life.
Now we barely say 2 words,
Except for an email or 2.
And I miss you,
I really miss you,
But you're right in front of me,
But I miss you, dad.
And in my mind I know that,
But under that I blame you,
Or maybe the blame covers everything else.
You brought us here,
And it's all your fault,
Right now I could be talking to you,
But instead I sit here writing to you.
You’re at work,
And I’m home alone.
You’re still just a phone call away,
But I won't call.
I blame you,
I really blame you, dad.
You didn't mean for it to go like this,
You didn't know this would happen,
But I blame you,
Oh so much.
It’s all your fault,
And I just want you to know that.
I’d trade all this in,
Because we really have nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
It’s fake.
She loves our new house,
She has tons of friends,
You love your new job,
And what do I have?
Friends I hate,
A house that's too big and too cold,
A family I barely know,
A home that's not mine anymore,
Real friends at home that miss me,
That’s what I have.
